he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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