I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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