I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
