Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
