Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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