well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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