I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
