"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I have aggressive nipples.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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