Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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