Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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