The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
