i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
