I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
so let's talk penis.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
