you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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