At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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