We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
