I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
