Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
