If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
