You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Randomize
