just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
