She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
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