he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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