I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
