So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
