I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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