I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Come share oat with me in your robe
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