sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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