"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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