Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
