So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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