If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
