so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
