Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
