Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
