mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
