Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Acid is not a monday night drug
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
