Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
