So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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