my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
