apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
