We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Randomize
