It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
