If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
