Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
