Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
my being single is dangerous.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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