uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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