Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
