I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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