i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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