What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
