So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
