Say something about gay babies.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
